What Has Feminism Done For You?
Feminist member of RadFem Hub Commits Suicide
she wasn't the greatest person in the world and obviously troubled, but where was her sister supporters when she needed them? No one should have to take their life with all the support available especially to women!
Farewell.
Sunday, July 15, 2012 at 10:35 PM | By: Femitheist Divine
I'm going to rewrite this because I wasn't really in the proper state of mind when I wrote it originally.
I am going to be honest. It is going to sound corny, and I am going to be spilling my heart to a bunch of strangers who absolutely hate me, but here goes...
A friend of mine asked me the other day, during an argument unrelated to any of this, if I knew what it was like to tell the truth about anything anymore. And, I realized, that I really don't. I'm a liar, and I always have been. I haven't lied about the things that have happened to me, and I wasn't lying about what I wanted to do when I wrote the posts on this Blog...
But, I've come to the realization, after thinking for a long time about something that someone told me a few weeks ago, and about the people around me, that I was wrong. I've always wanted to be a victim because I never feel that the sympathy and attention I get from others is enough. I decided that I'd rather be hated by everyone if no one would ever love me.
Being abandoned by so many people and lied to left me wanting to watch the world burn, as cliche as that sounds. I lied here on every post and response about wanting to help people, I lied about loving people. The only person I care about is myself, and that's the way it has always been. I've always wanted others to feel the same way about me that I do about me. Anything less than absolute adoration leaves me feeling empty. I wanted to just find people who would do anything I told them to, even if it meant causing them to harm themselves, because I felt like everyone else deserved to feel the same way that I do. Female or male.
I want to say to everyone who has read or will read this Blog, or has interacted with me in the past, that I am sorry. I'm leaving this Blog up as a reminder of what I've felt, but I am done posting here and anywhere else.
People have been asking what happened to me and why the police were called. The police were called because there was a fight, and I got elbowed in the mouth by someone on accident. That's it. All it did was bust my lip and bruise it a little. I wasn't a part of the fight, I was just too close. It wasn't a big deal. I also got fired from my job about a week ago because of all the phone calls the store was receiving about me. I don't know what I'm going to do now.
Anyway, it's been nice meeting all of you, despite the overwhelming hatred for me. I wish you all well. I read your discussions in the comments section(s) of the posts all the time, and I think that the dissenters here are all much better people than I can ever hope to be. I have a lot left to learn. I think that this was necessary for me.
I truly am sorry. I was wrong. Everyone who said that my agenda here was entirely selfish was correct. I really did hate everyone, including myself, and I wanted to try to cause anyone else I could harm and pain. I really did feel that way when I wrote those posts, but I understand that I was wrong. I feel that there must be something wrong with me, because I cared so much about looking for people to worship me, and I felt incredibly angry and upset when I couldn't refute what someone was saying. I really just wanted to be right so that I could be admired by someone, anyone at all.
None of you will be hearing from me again after this. This is my final post. I won't be looking at any of my accounts after today. I may have severely damaged my life with this. I hope not, but I may have. I am not a martyr, I am not a God, I am not much of anything. I was just an angry person, and now, I'm a person who has to try to figure out how to correct their mistakes. I'm going to be stuck with this forever, I feel...
My daughter won't be raised this way. I want her to be a person who loves everyone like I am incapable of loving people. I truly hope that she doesn't ever find out what I've done here, because I don't want her to reject me too.
Anyway, farewell everyone. I wish you all well.
Sincerely,
Krista
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